Introduction

Despite our best efforts, sometimes it would be nice if parenting had a manual. Without a doubt, it would be a best-seller. Even though there have been many generations of humans with their own cultures and traditions, many parents still feel overwhelmed by the sudden responsibilities of raising another human life and societal expectations of what it means to be a good parent. 

What is a good parent? 

Ultimately, we try our best to ensure the safety and protection of our children, but life itself has a way of throwing curveballs and reminding us of the unpredictability of the future. Therefore, it comes as no surprise that some studies showed 68% of women and 57% of men with common mental health disorders were parents; postpartum depression, when reported, occurs in about one-fifth of mothers and one-tenth of fathers.^1,2 Delving into the uncertainties that parents encounter regularly, the dangers of social media, financial stability and concerns about their child’s future will be addressed in an attempt to answer some of the toughest questions about parenting in this unfamiliar world.

Safety on social media

Originating from Six Degrees in 1977 and becoming popularised by Myspace in 2003, social media has undoubtedly taken the world by storm. What was once a fun way to digitally connect with friends after work hours has brought into play content creation like podcasts, blogs, and advertisements for people to interact with. While we can praise the evolution of social media for its expansion of opportunities for people to make a living and access real-time information, close to 70% of parents agreed that parenting in the last two decades has become more challenging, predominantly due to technology and social media. Safeguarding children online can be particularly difficult when the threat is hidden behind a screen.³

The phrase ‘stranger danger’ was coined to emphasise the risks of speaking to people we do not know when educating our children on how to be cautious in public spaces. Parents would say “Don’t accept candy from strangers” and “Never get into a stranger’s car”. However, with social media, it has become increasingly difficult to protect children from strangers since its whole purpose is to promote connections with people we do not know.³ 

In addition to handling daily duties, it is nearly impossible to monitor what children are doing and seeing online, especially when 16 to 64-year-olds in the UK alone spend nearly two hours a day on social media apps. Most concerningly, there has been an 82% rise in grooming crimes against children from 2018 to 2023, a quarter of whom were primary school children. 

Looking at these statistics may compel you to remove all sources of technology from your home- and understandably so. However, there will come a time when your child will need to use social media, whether for professional or social purposes. Hence, it is our duty as parents to educate our children about the dangers of social media and how to protect themselves from various threats. 

Financial stability

As a parent, you do not want money to be a problem. A sufficient amount will ensure that you have access to adequate healthcare, security for extreme circumstances in relation to household expenses, and healthy food to put on the plate. Income or financial instability can have a domino effect on several aspects of your child’s life. While every family is likely to experience fluctuations in income stability, economically disadvantaged families are likely to feel the impact the most, especially when it comes to the development of the child.^4,5

However, what is less spoken about is the initial and consequential impact of financial instability on parents. To put it simply, a financial strain can reduce access to extracurricular activities and social development, particularly if they are at an age to work part-time to support the family. In the extensive research, children of lower-income households face numerous challenges in comparison to their more financially-privileged peers regarding academic progression, behaviour and mental health.^6,7 

Additionally, financial stress can have a direct impact on parents and their mental health; stress, anxiety and depression can all have secondary effects on close relationships as it becomes harder to engage in social activities, be optimistic for the future, and adopt nurturing parenting styles. Children who see the changes in their parents’ behaviour may feel helpless, also possibly lead to the onset of mental health issues, which can cause a feeling of guilt in parents.^8,9 

Thus, this cycle can have a profound impact on the wellbeing on the whole family. Hence, there are two equally important takeaways for parents experiencing financial instability. First things first, ask for help. It is not easy to tackle financial difficulties alone. There is nothing wrong with reaching out to get help, whether it be getting financial assistance from the government or emotional support from loved ones. Secondly, communicate with your family. Hiding the difficulties may feel like you're protecting your loved ones from the stress, but children are incredibly perceptive. Instead, openly communicating with your partner and children is fundamental in building trust, a strong level of understanding, and teaching the importance of responsibility for the future.

The future 

Every good parent wants the very best for their child. It is an instinct for a parent to nurture and motivate their children so that they can become the proudest versions of themselves and contribute goodness to their community. Whether it be sports, music or mathematics, many parents go out of their way to integrate their children into extracurricular activities that can strengthen their skills and enrich their interests. However, most, if not all, parents hope for their child to succeed academically, as it opens doors for a flourishing career.¹⁰ After all, successful academic attainment and career are often synonymous with financial independence, longer and healthier lives, and success in future generations, whether it is due to aspiration or opportunity.^11,12,13

A survey conducted by Pearson showed that approximately 50% of parents were not confident that their children were being adequately prepared for employment due to a lack of focus on enhancing their skillset. For both the parents and child, such uncertainty can cause significant anxiety towards the future and lead to at least one of the following:

1. The child wants to study and work harder so that they can achieve higher grades to get them into more reputable universities. And they may
2. The child wants to study and work harder, but ends up burning out before they even get to adulthood¹⁴

As a parent, you must foster a balance between ‘work hard’ and ‘enjoy life’ for your children. Certainly, it is beneficial to support them through the occasional study hours and work experience as they get older; nonetheless, it is most important to intertwine self-care routines, boundaries for social time and hobbies, and set realistic goals so that your child is self-motivated, not burnout, and more closely connected to you as the parent. 

FAQs

How can I promote a balance between ‘work hard’ and enjoy life’?

Whether you want to promote a healthy balance of offline and online, or education and social life, there are a few steps you can take:

1. Set boundaries between work and personal hours. If they have spent 9 hours at school, maybe a further 4 hours of study time is unrealistic
2. Be attentive to your child’s well-being, encouraging conversations on mental health and self-care 
3. Communicate on what techniques work and don’t work for your child
4. Quality over quantity. Over time, work together to create a work environment that allows for efficiency, i.e. no music or replace with white noise, library instead of at home with noisy neighbours

Much of parenting feels like trial and error: you may not get it right the first or second time, but, with open communication and a ‘can-do’ attitude, you can adapt and learn as a team how to best prioritise and implement balance over unrealistic expectations.

Summary 

There is no clear answer to how to be a good parent. It is a complex and unpredictable journey for you and your child, no matter how many top tips you get from your in-laws or neighbours, parenting is learnt along the way. No one is ever 100% ready for the challenges that come with parenthood. What’s important is that when we make an inevitable mistake or the world throws us that curveball, we take it as a lesson and carry on. Through communication and honesty, we can take preventative measures from the dangers of social media, prioritise well-being, and trust our children so that we can provide them with the nurturing environment they deserve to grow into healthy, loving adults. Because, at the end of the day, the well-being of parents is just as important as that of their children.