Note: Before you read on, here's a little disclaimer. This is an article that is meant to make you think.
We've gradually been taught untruths for many years, which has led to a lot of misconceptions in our minds. For example: we've been told that one of our main purposes in life is to find a 'real job' and earn money (which you most definitely do not have to do in order for you to be fulfilled). We've been told that we have to take scholar degrees in order to 'be someone' in life. We've been told that happiness and fulfilment is synonymous with possessions. And so on.
Unlearning these truths can be painful, but it is also necessary for personal growth and healing. If you just blindly follow these assumptions without any sort of consideration, then you'll potentially burn yourself. Luckily, it is easier than people think to see through these untruths.
The Importance of Self-Reliance and Self-Worth
Personal growth and healing means a lot of things. It can mean finding your own life purpose. It can mean learning how to be happy and fulfilled with what you have. It can even mean learning how to heal from emotional wounds and pain that you've received in the past.
Unlearning certain things from your life can be very hard, but it can also be very rewarding. Self-reliance and self-worth are two important traits that we should all strive to have; a lot of times we have to unlearn beliefs in order for us to learn how to truly be independent and be content with who we are.
The mental health industry is not always very supportive of this type of unlearning -- many still subscribe to the idea that we need strong defenses rather than looking at what needs to change. If you want more peace in your life, it might make sense to start unlearning all those things that keep you from being your best self. It's time to grow up, stop tolerating racism, sexism, homophobia and anything else that prevents people from living optimally.
Universal Intelligence in Us All
One of the goals of a therapist is to help people find their own way to become more emotionally intelligent.
In order to accomplish this, it is critical that we respect the truth that each person is intrinsically connected to what I call 'Universal Intelligence'. All things are held in time and space, therefore each individual has innate universal intelligence 'attached' to her or him, as we're part of this time and space continuum. We need only access our own unique abilities or talents in order to connect with this 'Universal Intelligence' which then allows the healing process to take place (the more you become 'you', the more healed you are, as healing unites thus making us whole).
Our connection with Universal knowledge gets tampered with the moment we start learning to 'fit in' our society. This means that 'trusting our feelings' or 'feeling our truth' are held in exchange for learning what everyone else is also learning. All wisdom, skill and talent that we were naturally born with gets put to the side and can typically be kept hidden from view.
Thus, it is essential to not let society dictate how we live. If you feel 'weird' or have a 'different' opinion in a society where that view is unacceptable, remember that a lot of people actually disagree with the majority's beliefs.
We Know What We Know
The education system didn't teach us to listen to our hearts and love fully. This, in reality, is probably the most important piece of advice anyone could ever receive.
In the past, we had a more 'holistic education' were we had to turn to the elderly for guidance and know-how in day-to-day life: how to grow food, how to build solid shelter and so on. Soul to soul. Learning had a meaning because it came from a more meaningful place.
We learnt truths that didn't have to be unlearnt. This, unfortunately is not the case any longer.
Do you sometimes feel that you've learnt untruths that would need to be unlearned?
Which Skills Really Matter?
Nutrition, lifestyle, mental health, fitness, embracing emotions and feelings… These are important and we should develop our understanding around them to the point, in my humble opinion, of mastering them. They support a well-rounded healthy adulthood, and although everyone has their own individual journey, we should spend more time focusing on what's really important. We could probably all benefit from unlearning many of the things we've been taught that are not really serving us at all.
Environmental awareness, compassion, and empathy for all living beings are essential 'skills' that provide people with a more holistic approach to life. We have to learn about the consequences of our actions on our planet and the environment -- that is critical. So, it can be said that these are also important 'universal' type skills.
If we are not taught how to embrace all emotions from an early age then we might be fearful of them as adults. We will then make up beliefs and follow rules and regulations so we don't have to 'feel our feelings'. We could then learn some untruths, which may include:
- Everyone else has the same emotional needs, therefore we must suppress some of our own emotions. This makes us hardened, insensitive to some issues and even devoid of love towards certain people. Then we might have to cover up the fact that we are not 'feeling right' by using alcohol, drugs or sex as a form of self-medication.
- We could learn that 'everyone else' is in charge of our happiness. This means that there is no need for us to embrace any emotions and pursue our own individual happiness. We could learn to shut down and numb ourselves.
- We may learn that we must be 'perfect', therefore suppressing some of our emotions to make ourselves look or feel more 'together'.
- We could learn that we are worthless if we don't fit the 'norm'. We might then suppress or hide parts of ourselves that aren't in line with societal views. This can lead to many illnesses and disorders.
This is the 'human condition' -- when we are taught to be perfect or to change who we are in order to please some people, we can become hard and insensitive or even numb ourselves. This process could be called 'adaptive repression' or 'displacement of energy'. We no longer know how to feel or express ourselves (and many of us even forget how). This leads to a lot of internal pain as well as conflicts with society.
However, we don't have to live with that pain. We could unlearn all the beliefs that keep us from being our most authentic self. Relating to others and having and empathic world vision will give you a deeper meaning in life.
A More Authentic Life
Maybe you feel that you're not happy with your life and that it feels a bit empty. You might not have the answers to all your questions, but by learning to unlearn untruths you might have picked up along the way, learning to trust your gut feelings and to love fully, you will find a way to be authentically happier and more fulfilled as a person.
Watch others who are well-balanced and a good example of trust. Maybe you have a friend or family member who is good at guiding you in the right direction and being authentic.
As the great Chinese philosopher said: "To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.”
