What Is Anuptaphobia?

Introduction

Everyone wants to be able to express love and be loved genuinely. Someone to share every moment of our lives with. We all want someone to call ‘mine’. Anuptaphobia is the irrational fear of being unmarried or being married to the wrong person.

We live in a society that is romantically charged where you are either unintentionally reminded of your singleness by some random couples on the bus or street or intentionally reminded by your family members.

Wanting to get married is not a problem in itself, it becomes problematic when your fear of being single gets overwhelming and it leads you to having episodes of anxiety and panic attacks. In this article, we will be discussing anuptaphobia, its causes, and how to manage it.

Overview of anuptaphobia

Anuptaphobia is a pathological and irrational fear of being single or being married to the wrong person that causes an individual to experience anxiety and panic attacks that negatively affect every aspect of their lives. People with this type of psychological disorder become intensely scared in situations where they think they may lose their partner and become single soon.

Both individuals assigned male or female at birth can be anuptaphobic. Individuals with this type of fear are often very likely to remain in an abusive relationship no matter how violent it gets all in a bid to avoid being single. They believe enduring and staying in such a relationship is better than being single.

They often get into a relationship not because they like the person, but to avoid being single. They would rather lower their standards and care less about the person’s appearance or social status. They often get into relationships just for the sake of being known by someone. Research has shown that some individuals are more likely to settle for less in a relationship due to the fear of being single.¹

Individuals can exhibit this fear in varying degrees and based on how affected the individual is, anuptaphbia can lead to other severe mental health conditions like depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder. 

Causes of anuptaphobia

The main cause of anuptaphobia is unknown, but it is believed that genetics and heredity could play a role and if there is a history of people having anxiety disorder or phobia in your family you are more likely to have anuptaphobia.

Other factors that could also predispose you to develop anuptaphobia include:

Cultural influences and Societal expectations

Most cultures put unnecessary pressure on individuals to get married once they reach a certain age. They expect them to at least be in a serious relationship once they hit their late 20s. They believe if this is not the case there must be something wrong with the person either sexually or spiritually. This alone makes an individual want to get a partner by every means possible so as not to be called all sorts of names and once they are not able to get a partner they become overwhelmed by the thought of others not wanting them and not being able to get into a relationship.

Personal experiences

Individuals who have gone through heartbreaks, were separated from their loved ones in childhood, or experienced their parents getting divorced are likely to develop the fear of being single.

Low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence

One of the building blocks of irrational fears like anuptaphobia is a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. Individuals who were victims of bullying are more like to get into a relationship just for the sake of seeking validation and being shown affection by their partner. They can’t withstand the thought of being single and not being in a relationship because that is where they’ve attached their sense of self. This can also predispose you to become anuptaphobic.

Symptoms of anuptaphobia

The symptoms of anuptaphobia can be exhibited psychologically, behaviorally, and physically. these symptoms are capable of disrupting the person's ability to function optimally. The degree to which an individual is affected varies from person to person. An individual can experience quite a number of the following;

Psychological and behavioural symptoms

• Feeling of shame
• Lack of self-confidence
• Dread being alone
• Lack of concentration
• Anger and irritability
• Feeling of loneliness
• Mood swings
• Jealousy
• Moving from one relationship to another within a short time
• Having a hard time being around couples
• Becomes clingy
• Seeks validation from others

Physical symptoms

The physical symptoms are more evident when the individual has an anxiety or panic attack. These include:

• High heart rates
• High blood pressure
• Hyperventilation
• Hot flushes
• Chills
• Trembling
• Inability to focus and concentrate
• Ringing in the ears
• Nausea and vomiting
• Numbness

Impact of anuptaphobia

Anuptaphobia, or the fear of staying single, undoubtedly has significant impacts on an individual's mental health and interpersonal relationships. Research which was conducted using the Fear of Being Single Scale (FOBS) showed that individuals who fear being alone reported feeling more negative emotions and having a lower quality of life than people who choose to be voluntarily single or in a relationship.² Some of its negative effects on your mental health and interpersonal relationships are listed below.

Mental health

• Anxiety and stress: Constant worry about being single can lead to heightened anxiety and stress levels. The fear of being alone may manifest as a persistent, underlying concern
• Low self-esteem: Anuptaphobia may contribute to lower self-esteem as individuals may tie their worth to being in a relationship. The fear of not finding a partner can affect their self-perception
• Depression: Long-term anxiety about staying single may contribute to feelings of sadness and hopelessness, potentially leading to depression
• Decision paralysis: Fear of being single makes it challenging for individuals to make decisions, especially those related to relationships, as they may fear making the wrong choices

Interpersonal relationships

• Dependency: An individual with anuptaphobia may become overly dependent on their partner, constantly seeking reassurance and validation to alleviate their fear of being alone
• Unhealthy relationships: The fear of being single may lead individuals to settle for unhealthy or unsatisfying relationships, simply to avoid being alone
• Pressure on partners: The constant need for reassurance and fear of being single can put significant pressure on partners, potentially straining the relationship
• Fear of commitment: Paradoxically, anuptaphobia may manifest as a fear of commitment, as individuals may worry about making the wrong choice and being stuck in a relationship that doesn't meet their expectations. They tend to move from one relationship to another within a short period

Coping mechanisms

Coping mechanisms for the fear of staying single involve various strategies aimed at managing and alleviating the emotional distress and anxiety associated with this fear. These mechanisms can be implemented both independently and with the support of mental health professionals. Here are some common coping mechanisms:

• Practicing mindfulness: this involves living in the moment. It requires you to mindfully address one issue at a time
• Relaxation techniques: engaging in deep breathing exercises and progressive muscle activities helps to relax and calm your nervous system as well as relieve tension
• Cognitive-behavioral therapy: CBT is a psychosocial intervention that is used to improve the symptoms of anxiety and some other mental health disorders. It helps in identifying and challenging negative thought patterns related to being single. Cognitive restructuring helps to replace irrational fears with more realistic and positive beliefs
• Psychodynamic therapy: this explores deeper emotional issues and unresolved conflicts. It helps you to understand how your past experiences and impulses affect your present current feelings and behaviors
• Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT): this is a type of talk therapy that is based on cognitive-behavioural therapy. It helps you to understand and accept your difficult feelings, manage your emotions, and promote your interpersonal relationships with others
• Counselling and support groups: Joining counselling sessions or support groups specifically focused on relationship fears, sharing experiences with others facing similar fears for mutual understanding and support, and learning from others who have successfully coped with or overcome anuptaphobia is also an effective way of coping with the fear of being single or being married to the wrong person

It's important to note that coping mechanisms will be designed based on each individual’s needs. It is essential to seek professional guidance and help to get personalized strategies tailored to your specific needs and circumstances.

Overcoming anuptaphobia

The following measures can help you overcome anuptaphobia and live life more freely and happily;

Gradual exposure

Gradually exposing yourself to situations that trigger the fear of being single, starting with less anxiety-provoking scenarios helps in confronting your fear of being unmarried. Setting realistic goals for facing and overcoming fears in a step-by-step manner is also essential.

Building positive relationships

Focusing on developing healthy relationships based on mutual respect and understanding. Cultivating social connections to build a strong support system. Engaging in activities that foster positive interactions and personal growth and communicating your displeasure or addressing an issue appropriately without the fear of being rejected.

Self-Reflection and personal development

Reflecting on personal goals and values outside of relationships. Investing time in self-improvement and pursuing individual interests. Having a mind of your own and making decisions for yourself without waiting for anyone to validate your opinions or feelings helps in building self-confidence and a positive self-image.

Professional help

Seeking help from mental health professionals doesn’t mean you are crazy or something, it is an indication that you are self-aware and you want the best for yourself. It is important to consult with mental health professionals to explore and address underlying issues contributing to your anuptaphobia and to be committed to your line of management and prescribed medications for a better outcome.

Summary

Anuptaphobia is the fear of staying single or fear of being without a romantic partner. Anxiety, tension, and low self-esteem are some of the major effects this phobia can have on a person's mental health. Individuals may settle for unhealthy partnerships or place excessive pressure on their partners, which may also have an impact on interpersonal relationships. The fear of being alone can be overcome through coping mechanisms such as self-analysis, gaining independence, seeking professional help, and establishing reasonable expectations.