What is Couples Therapy? 

Couples therapy aims to alleviate distress and enhance functioning within a significant aspect of life. Unlike individual therapy, couples therapy involves three parties in the therapy room besides the psychotherapist— each partner and the relationship itself.

The couple’s therapist navigates this dynamic high-wire act by impartially balancing the needs and interests of all three. Couples usually seek therapy when they have different perspectives on shared experiences, leading to high levels of distress for one or both partners. It's common for one partner to be more motivated for therapy or feel more optimistic about its potential outcomes than the other.

How does it work? 

Couples therapy typically involves both partners attending sessions together. While there are occasions where seeing or communicating with one partner separately may be necessary, this is usually done with the consent of both and to gather information vital to the relationship. Sometimes, an individual may seek couples counselling in hopes of promoting positive change in a troubled relationship, particularly if their partner is initially unwilling to participate.

During sessions, the therapist often asks various questions, which may include inquiries about each partner's family background and may challenge individual beliefs or perspectives. It's important to note that couples therapists maintain impartiality and do not take sides in conflicts. However, they may address individual behaviours that contribute to relationship issues. According to relational science, both partners typically play a role in most couple problems.

Therapy commonly focuses on fostering closer connections between partners or facilitating a thoughtful conclusion to the relationship. Through resolving challenges, partners develop empathy for each other and themselves, acquire strategies for effectively managing negative emotions, and reignite the initial feelings that drew them together. Outside of sessions, couples are typically encouraged to implement at home the insights, behaviours, and problem-solving techniques learned in therapy.

Couples therapy techniques

• Emotionally focused therapy (EFT): This approach concentrates on enhancing attachment and bonding within the relationship. The therapist assists in recognizing and altering patterns that contribute to feelings of detachment and facilitates enduring changes in behaviour¹
• Gottman method: This method addresses areas of conflict and provides couples with problem-solving skills to enhance friendship and intimacy²
• Ellen wachtel’s approach: In this approach, the focus is on the positive aspects of the relationship and emphasizes self-reflection rather than assigning blame
• Psychodynamic couple’s therapy: This type of therapy delves into the underlying hopes and fears that drive both partners, facilitating a better understanding of each other
• Behavioural therapy: Also known as behavioural couples therapy (BCT), this method involves shaping behaviour by reinforcing positive actions that promote stability and satisfaction while discouraging negative behaviours
• Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT): Also known as cognitive behavioural couples therapy (CBCT), this approach involves identifying and altering thought patterns that negatively impact behaviour.
• Narrative therapy:  The essence of narrative therapy lies in individuals articulating their issues in narrative format and reshaping their narratives. This process aids them in recognizing that no single narrative can fully capture the complexity of their experiences. For couples experiencing relationship challenges attributed to mutual faults, narrative therapy can offer valuable assistance. A study demonstrated that narrative therapy effectively reduces conflict and enhances cooperation within couples³

What couples therapy can help with?

• Relationship roles: It enables you to examine the roles each of you plays and identify any unhealthy dynamics or disparities in expectations
• Beliefs and values: Couples therapy facilitates discussions about your beliefs, values, and religious convictions, and how these impact your daily lives
• Financial matters: By fostering open dialogue and transparency regarding income and spending habits, therapy can mitigate conflicts arising from financial issues
• Quality time together: Couples can tackle issues hindering their shared time, discussing enjoyable activities and strategies to enhance their time spent together
• Parenting decisions: Therapy aids in navigating disagreements over parenting choices, fertility challenges, or adoption, fostering better communication and understanding
• Family relationships: Couples therapy helps address conflicts stemming from interactions with extended family members, such as parents, children, and siblings
• Sexual and intimate issues: It provides a safe environment to address challenges related to sex, intimacy, or instances of infidelity, allowing for the expression of feelings and needs
• Health concerns: Couples therapy assists in coping with the strain that physical or mental health issues can place on the relationship
• External stressors: Therapy supports couples in managing conflicts triggered by external pressures, such as work-related stress, that impact the relationship

Advantages of couples therapy

Here are some of the advantages couples therapy provides:

• Enhanced understanding: Couples therapy aids in deepening your understanding of both yourself and your partner. It facilitates the expression of feelings, hopes, fears, priorities, values, and beliefs for both individuals
• Issue identification: Your therapist assists in identifying relationship issues leading to recurring conflicts, trust issues, and feelings of disconnection
• Communication improvement: Therapy fosters improved communication skills between you and your partner, enabling you to express needs without resorting to blame or hostility
• Conflict resolution: Therapists guide you and your partner through conflict resolution processes, helping to address and resolve underlying issues
• Skill acquisition: Couples therapy is focused on equipping you and your partner with skills to manage conflicts effectively in the present and future, rather than being a long-term intervention.
• Enhanced relationship satisfaction: Overall, couples therapy aims to enhance the quality of your relationship, fostering greater happiness and fulfilment for both partners

Effectiveness

In terms of effectiveness, a comprehensive summary suggests that couples therapy contributes to enhancing relationship satisfaction, communication skills, forgiveness, problem-solving abilities, and the resolution of needs and emotions.⁴

Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) stands out with robust research backing across various issues. He indicates that multiple studies have demonstrated that couples undergoing eight to twelve sessions of EFT experience decreased distress and heightened relationship contentment for both individuals. These benefits persist even up to two years post-treatment.

Summary 

In summary, couples therapy is a form of psychotherapy designed to alleviate distress and improve functioning within relationships. Unlike individual therapy, it involves three parties: each partner and the relationship itself, with the therapist impartially balancing their needs and interests. Couples typically seek therapy when differing perspectives on shared experiences lead to high levels of distress.

Various techniques are employed in couples therapy, including emotionally focused therapy, the Gottman method, psychodynamic therapy, behavioural therapy, cognitive-behavioural therapy, and narrative therapy. These techniques address a wide range of relationship issues, such as communication, conflict resolution, intimacy, and external stressors. Couples therapy enhances understanding between partners, identifies and resolves relationship issues, improves communication skills, strengthens connection, eliminates dysfunctional behaviour, and equips couples with conflict management skills.

Research suggests that couples therapy is effective in enhancing relationship satisfaction, communication, forgiveness, problem-solving abilities, and emotional resolution. Emotionally focused therapy, in particular, has shown lasting benefits for couples even years after treatment.